Do you want to learn how to make all the money you just deposited in your trading account quickly vanish?
In 10 days or less?
Here’s a step-by-step guide:
Step 1: Buy a super expensive computer.
Don’t forget to buy at least six 27” UltraHD 8K monitors and mount them all on a magnificent monitor stand so that you can watch your price charts along with CNBC, Bloomberg TV, Fox Business News, Reuters TV, and Cheddar, all at the same time!
You need ALL of this stuff in order to trade successfully! Don’t forget about the luxury ergonomic chair from Herman Miller that perfectly aligns with your spine’s natural curve.
Once you’ve bought them all, watch your account balance in your trading account explode with profits! That gigantic electricity bill due to all your gadgets will look like spare change.
Step 2: Focus on trying to find the perfect technical indicator.
Once you find this mystical technical indicator, it will be like installing an ATM machine in your kitchen.
Trade BIG.
No, scratch that. Trade YUGE.
Your six UltraHD 8K computer monitors will all glow bright green due to all the positive pips!
Step 3: When your technical indicator says that the currency pair is oversold, buy it right then and there!
Always do what your chart indicator says to do.
Never ever question it. Like ever.
It’s always right. Like always.
It doesn’t matter if important news is coming out or if price action is telling you something different.
Your puny brain is no match for the indicator.
Step 4: Don’t pay attention to the current or future economic outlook of the world’s biggest countries.
Who cares about the global economy and geopolitics. Economy schmonomy. Zzzzzzz. That stuff is boorriiiiiinggg!
All you have to do is stare at your charts all day long until a winning trade magically appears.
Trading is really just a staring contest between you and the market. Whoever blinks first loses. So make sure you concentrate and stare long and hard at your charts.
Who cares if your eyes start bleeding. Ignore that. Push through it. It’s just eye blood.
Eventually, profits will appear. It’s really that easy.
Step 5: Make sure to visit a bunch of forex trading forums and go through all the threads until you find hot trading tips.
If you don’t find any hot trading tips, then private message total strangers for forex trading tips and ask them for some.
The less you know about them, the better. It’s more mysterious that way. And makes trading fun!
These tips are free gifts and will make you fabulously wealthy in no time!
If you’re reeeeally lucky, you may even find people posting about their magical technical indicators or EAs with 137% win rates that you can download for free!
Step 6: Read what other traders doing and be sure to follow them without question.
Following other traders is a no-brainer. You literally need no brain to do it. So your puny brain needs not worry.
Just blindly copy their trades.
According to their profiles, these folks have been trading a lot longer than you, which means they definitely must know what they’re doing. Right?
Why am I even asking you a question? That requires thinking.
Just go ahead and start copying random trades already. The sooner you start, the faster you’ll be able to achieve that perfect Instagram lifestyle.
Step 7: Skip creating a trading plan. If you see a good trade, just do it.
You shouldn’t argue with Nike…even if their slogan is meant for athletes, not traders. Just do it. Victory is yours.
Forget about developing a trading plan. Don’t worry about how or when you’re going to exit.
Never mind the details. The trade is guaranteed to win. It’ll be a slam dunk.
Step 8: Dream about how much you’ll much you’ll make, not about how much you’ll lose.
Don’t worry about proper position sizing.
Who cares how much you can lose on a trade. And how much you’d need to make back just to return back to breakeven.
Just think about how much you can win! Then find directions to the nearest Ferrari dealership or Hermès store.
Step 9: Don’t set stop losses. That’s for losers.
You are a winner. You win at everything. All you do is win. Just like DJ Khaled. “We the best trades!”, you proclaim.
Stop losses are for losers.
Even if your trade is currently in the red and losing, you know it’ll eventually turn around. Unlike everybody else, all of your trades always end up as winners.
Don’t worry about your trade blinking red on your screen. Just like how age is just a number, red is just a color.
Step 10: Make trades based on your emotions.
No need for logic, simply rely on your consistently dependable emotions.
When you’re excited and feel greedy, you buy. When you’re scared, you panic and sell.
Trading emotionally is how you will pile up winning trade after winning trade. At least, that’s how you feel.
Final Tips
Make sure to perform as many of the steps as possible.
Pretty soon, you’ll be seeing that big fat zero under your account balance that you’ve always dreamed about.
If you’re lucky, you may even see a negative balance.
If you’re really impatient and want to lose money even faster, feel free to repeat any of the individual steps vigorously.
But if you want to AVOID blowing your trading account in 10 days or less, now you know what NOT to do.
A lot of traders have made these mistakes when they first start trading.
Including myself.
Hopefully, you don’t follow in my footsteps.
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